4 Steps to Take After Committing Domestic Violence

You didn’t want it to happen. You let your temper get the best of you, and you lost control with someone you care about. Unfortunately, domestic violence is something you can never take back. There are many resources for victims of domestic abuse, but what if you were the abuser? If you’ve been accused of domestic violence, make a change for your loved ones, yourself, and your future.

Take a Class

You don’t have to face your problems alone. There are court approved domestic violence classes online or in-person that can teach self-awareness and self-control. Learning about your problem is the first step to correcting it. Don’t be afraid or embarrassed to get professional help. Classes may even be a way to connect with individuals facing the same struggles.

Recognize the Early Signs

You might think what happened was out of character. In reality, there may have been signs all along the way that your behavior wasn’t right. Early signs of abuse include controlling and isolating your partner. Were you telling them how to act, what to wear, or who they could see? That type of behavior is a slippery slope.


The person you hurt may never fully forgive you, but it’s still important to create an apology. If it’s appropriate to apologize directly to that person, it can help you both move on. Talking may help you understand exactly what you did wrong and how you can work on it. Keep in mind that forgiving isn’t forgetting. Just because your victim accepts your apology doesn’t mean everything is ok. Don’t push any unwanted relationships just because you apologized. If it isn’t appropriate to contact your victim to apologize, write down what you would say as a way to show yourself you fully understand your error.

Find an Outlet

Once you recognize your problem and have had professional help, find an outlet to refocus your energy. Self-improvement is a long process, but you can do it. Some mechanisms that may help you control your anger are deep breathing, exercise, medication, writing, communicating, and changing your surroundings.

As long as you want to, there are ways to improve yourself after committing domestic violence. You need to understand how severe physical, emotional, and sexual abuse is. However, you don’t have to let it control the rest of your life. You should take steps to make appropriate amends and prevent it from ever happening again.

Eric Sara
the authorEric Sara